From Harm to Healing: Understanding Colonial Violence, Invisible Abuse, and Intergenerational Trauma

By Melissa Lavallée MACP, BA-Psyc

Mental Health Educator & Counsellor

This Was Never Just About Individual Experiences
When we talk about trauma, abuse, or violence, the conversation often gets narrowed down to individuals. What happened. What choices were made. Why someone didn’t leave.

But this is not just about individuals.

There are systems, patterns, and histories that shape our lives in ways we don’t always see.

Understanding harm helps identify the path to healing.

Harm doesn’t begin in a moment. It begins in systems.

The Systems Beneath the Surface: Colonialism and Patriarchy

Violence in Indigenous communities, especially the ongoing crisis of Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, Girls, and Two-Spirit people (MMIWG2S+) is not random.

It is systemic, predictable, and preventable.

Colonialism disrupted Indigenous governance, kinship systems, and ways of life.
Patriarchy layered onto that disruption by normalizing power hierarchies, where control, dominance, and inequality became embedded in everyday life.

These systems shape:

• Who is believed
• Who is protected
• Who is searched for
• Who is forgotten

When institutions delay responses, misclassify cases, or fail to coordinate. This is structural violence.

And while women, girls, and Two-Spirit people are disproportionately targeted, Indigenous men and boys are also deeply impacted, often through criminalization, violence, and systemic neglect.

Different patterns.
Same roots.

When Systems Show Up in Relationships: Invisible Abuse

These larger systems don’t just exist “out there.”
They show up in our homes, our relationships, and our everyday lives.

Not all abuse is physical. Some of the most harmful patterns are invisible.

Invisible abuse is about power and control, not always through violence, but through:

• Gaslighting
• Financial control
• Monitoring and surveillance
• Coercion and intimidation
• Isolation from supports

It often goes unnoticed because it can look like:

• Jealousy
• Stress
• “Normal conflict”
• Even “boundaries”

But a key question shifts everything:

What happens when the person says no?

If saying no leads to punishment, fear, withdrawal, or consequences,
that’s not mutual conflict.

That’s control.

When “Boundaries” Become Control

We often hear a lot about boundaries in healing spaces.

And boundaries, when used in a healthy way, are powerful.

But sometimes, boundary language is misused.

A healthy boundary sounds like:
“If this conversation becomes unsafe, I will step away.”

A weaponized boundary sounds like:
“If you bring this up again, you’re violating my boundary.”

One protects autonomy.
The other restricts it.

This distinction matters, especially for survivors trying to make sense of their experiences.

Because invisible abuse doesn’t just harm, it also confuses.

It creates self-doubt, shrinks confidence, and makes people question their own reality.

Trauma Doesn’t End. It Gets Carried

For many Indigenous people, trauma is not only personal.

It is intergenerational.

Intergenerational trauma refers to the way trauma is passed down across generations through:

• Biology (epigenetics)
• Behaviour
• Family systems
• Community experiences

This trauma is rooted in:

• Residential schools
• Forced assimilation
• Cultural erasure
• Family separation
• Systemic violence

And it doesn’t just show up as memories.

It shows up as:

• Internalized racism
• Lateral violence within communities
• Disconnection from identity
• Mental health struggles and addiction

Some people even experience dreams, emotions, or fears connected to events they never personally lived because trauma doesn’t just live in the mind. It lives in the body and spirit.

The “Soul Wound” and Collective Pain

Indigenous scholar Dr. Eduardo Duran describes this as the “soul wound.”

A wound that goes beyond the physical and psychological.

A wound carried in identity, memory and spirit.

This is why healing cannot be reduced to individual coping strategies alone.

Because the harm was never just individual.

Connecting the Dots: How It All Intersects

When we zoom out, the pattern becomes clear:

Colonialism and patriarchy create power imbalances

These imbalances shape abusive relationship dynamics

These experiences become trauma carried across generations

This is not coincidence. It is a cycle.

And cycles can be broken, but not by ignoring the systems that created them.

So What Does Healing Actually Require?

Healing is often framed as something deeply personal.

And it is.

But it is also collective, cultural, and systemic.

Healing requires more than therapy.

It requires:

Cultural Reconnection

• Language revitalization
• Ceremony
• Traditional knowledge
• Connection to land and identity

Community-Based Support

• Safe housing
• Youth programs
• Mentorship
• Accessible, trauma-informed services

Safety Systems That Work

• Rapid response for missing persons
• Better coordination across services
• Survivor-centered policies
• Accountability in institutions

Matriarchal Leadership

Matriarchal shifts don’t exclude men.

They re-centre:

• Care
• Responsibility
• Relational accountability

This creates stronger, safer communities for everyone,
including men and boys.

Supporting Survivors: A Different Approach

If we truly understand trauma and control, our response must change.

Instead of asking:

• “Why don’t they leave?”

We ask:

• “What happens if they try?”

Instead of focusing on incidents, we look at patterns.

Instead of pushing decisions, we prioritize:

• Safety
• Autonomy
• Choice

Healing spaces must feel:

• Safe
• Non-judgmental
• Realistic

Because survivors are not “failing to act.”
They are often managing risk.

Reclaiming the Narrative

For a long time, Indigenous communities have been described through deficit:

Broken.
Traumatized.
At risk.

But that is not the full story.

The truth is:

We are carrying survival.
We are carrying resilience.
We are carrying knowledge.

What we carry is not just pain.

It is also strength.

From Burden to Responsibility

Intergenerational trauma can feel heavy.

But there is another way to see it.

Not as a burden but as a responsibility.

A responsibility to:

• Remember
• Reconnect
• Reclaim
• Heal

Not because we caused the harm.

But because we have the power to transform it.

A Final Reflection

Take a moment and ask yourself:

• What am I carrying that isn’t mine?
• What patterns have I inherited?
• What am I ready to release?
• What am I ready to reclaim?

You Were Never the Problem

If there’s one thing to hold onto, let it be this:

You were never the problem.

What you carry makes sense.

Your responses make sense.

Your healing will make sense too.

Healing is not just personal.
It is cultural.
It is relational.
It is ongoing.

And most importantly,
it is possible.