MelissaLavallée

Healing Is Not Linear: Embrace the Spiral

By Melissa Lavallée MACP, BA-Psyc

Mental Health Educator & Counsellor

You’re not behind.

If you’ve ever found yourself whispering, “I should be further along by now,”
I want you to pause.
And breathe.
Because that feeling? That quiet shame?
It’s not the truth.

Healing doesn’t follow a schedule.
It doesn’t care about your planner, your goals, or your deadlines.
Healing is wild.
Unpredictable.
And deeply sacred.

It spirals.

You move forward.
You loop back.
You pause.
You unlearn.
You rest.
You begin again.

This is not regression.
This is integration.

The Spiral of Becoming

We’re conditioned to think that healing is not a process, but a finish line. We imagine that one day we’ll be “done” grieving. We think we’ll be “done” hurting and “done” flinching at old stories.

But the truth is, healing is a spiral.
You may revisit the same wound more than once. Each time, you meet it with new tools. You also have more compassion and a deeper sense of self.

In my novel, the main character Emma embodies this spiral.
There’s a moment where she walks home after a night she can’t fully piece together.
She’s numb. Disconnected. Haunted by something her body remembers but her mind can’t yet name.
And in that moment, she feels like she’s failed.
Like she’s starting over.

But she’s not.

She’s surviving.
She’s protecting herself the only way her nervous system knows how.
And that’s not failure.
That’s wisdom.

What Trauma Really Does

Trauma isn’t just about what happened.
It’s about what didn’t happen
The safety that never came.
The comfort that wasn’t there.
The connection that was missing.

Trauma reshapes how we exist in the world.
It rewires our nervous system to focus on survival
even when we’re no longer in danger.

So if you freeze in conflict, shut down emotionally, or find yourself people-pleasing to stay safe
You’re not broken.
You’re responding the way your body was designed to.

And healing?
It’s not about forcing yourself to change.
It’s about creating a felt sense of safety repeatedly. This way, your body can begin to unlearn what it once had to know.

The Nonlinear Path Is Still a Path

Some days, healing looks like breakthroughs.
Other days, it looks like surviving until bedtime.
Both are valid. Both are progress.

I know this from personal experience
as a Métis woman, a mother of three, and a therapist-in-training.
I’ve walked through spirals that felt like setbacks.
But looking back, they were always invitations:
To soften.
To deepen.
To tend parts of myself I hadn’t yet met.

If you’re revisiting pain you thought you already healed
it’s not because you’re behind.
It’s because your body now trusts you enough to bring it ahead.

That’s not regression.
That’s relationship.
That’s repair.

You Don’t Have to Be “Further Along”

You are allowed to heal slowly.
To pause.
To circle back.

You’re allowed to rest in the in-between.
To be both grieving and growing.
To be messy and meaningful.
To feel lost and still be on your way.

If you’re in a season that feels familiar in a painful way, please know one thing. You thought you already made it through this. You’re not doing it wrong.

You’re not broken.
You’re becoming.

And every loop, every pause, every step you take with love instead of urgency
is part of your becoming.

A Final Word

Healing isn’t linear.
And neither are you.

You are layered. Sacred.
Always shifting, always unfolding.
Your story was never meant to be a straight line.
It was always meant to spiral. It resembles growth rings in a tree. Or the steps of a drum dance. Or, it parallels the stories passed down through generations.

So let yourself return.
Let yourself feel.
Let yourself start again.